ughhhhhhh...........

........so the rush is on.  can you feel it????  did i say "ughhhhh" already???

Freckle Juice.......

......growing up, i was slam pack full of freckles and i hated every last one of them.  my brother and sister suffered the same fate.  we were a family full of freckles.  so when i was little and dreamed about what my future children would look like i always had a clear cut picture in my mind.  they would have brown hair, fair skin and of course be full of freckles.  i never thought to take into consideration what the father of my children might contribute to their looks.  so along comes christian.....he's got the dark hair but he's also got dark skin and absolutely NO freckles.  he didn't look like what i thought my kids would look like.   round two.....here comes samantha.  blonde hair, dark skin and a couple (and i mean just a couple) of freckles.  once again, not what i pictured.  my sisters kids are what i pictured my kids to look like.   of course her husband is also fair skin & freckled faced too so i guess that's makes a difference.  finally along comes ryan.  my sweet little ryan.  he is mine.  brown hair, fair skin and chock full of beautiful little freckles.  it's amazing how time changes our perspective on things.  i absolutely adore his freckles.  to me it looks just like God took out his freckle shaker and sprinkled perfect little freckles all across his cheeks.  how beautiful.........

this is the last one........

......promise.  no more graveyard pictures after this.  atleast for this week.  lol.  good thing it's friday.  i've always had a secret fascination with graveyards.  when i was little me, my sister, my brother and my one & only infamous cousin joey would sneak into the graveyard in clayton (that's in new jersey).  we would never vandalize anything or hurt anything but we would occasionally walk off with things that were left at the graves.  why???  idk.  we were kids.....unsupervised kids.  lol.  but i still love to explore graveyards.  it's not like i have some kind of fixation with dead people or anything.  i just like the history aspect of it.  it's like a 3D history book.  you can read about somebody that was born in the 1800's but it's not the same as standing in front of and touching the gravestone that was actually made for that person.  it's like touching the past.  call me wierd.  i know it doesn't fit the traditional definition of beauty but to me it is an eerie kind of beauty.......... 

Veteran's Day......

..........since today was veteran's day, i took the kids to their papaw's grave so they could put out a flag for him.  my father-in-law was a beautiful man.  i know you're not supposed to describe a man using the word beautiful but i honestly can't think of anything that fits him better.  he was beautiful and i miss him more than he'll ever know.  he was a man of God and it showed in every thing he did.   lloyd was a veteran of the United States Army.  he served God, his country and his family.  in a world where so many people don't like their inlaws, i consider myself blessed.  i couldn't be more proud to call Charles Lloyd Smith my father-in-law......

A HOME INVASION.....

........my house was invaded yesterday by ladybugs.  they were everywhere.  guess it was the warm weather.  i've always loved ladybugs.  my most favorite ladybug story is about the time samantha ate one when she was a baby.  she was sitting by the window when she saw one crawling along the track inside the window.  i didn't think she could get it bc honestly i didn't think she had the dexterity (big word lol) yet to manipulate her little fingers between the track and actually grab the ladybug.  so i stepped out of the room for a minute leaving her and her new little friend by themselves.  when i came back she was chomping away.  i ran over and opened her mouth but it was too late.  ladybug parts were everywhere.  lol.  oh well.  i'm sure they're a good source of protein or something.  so yesterday i tried to get a picture of this cute little creature.  i actually stole this idea i think from megan.  was that you megan who took the picture of the ladybug & the ring??? well, anyway i thought it was a neat idea so i tried to replicate it....gosh another big word....replicate.  why i chose my wedding rings i'll never know.  to be honest i haven't worn them in along time.  i just grabbed them.  turns out my ladybug was not real cooperative.  she just sat there.  i wanted her to crawl on top of the rings.  atleast move a little.   something.  anything.  so i finally gave up.  she won.  she proved to be more stubborn than me.  when i down loaded the pictures to my computer, i laughed so hard when i saw her face.  look at it.  look closely.  have you ever seen such a sour puss???  lol.  it looks almost like i painted it on there myself.  like it's not real but trust me it's real.  i'm sure it's some kind of defense thing to protect her out in the wild.  you know....like scare off the bad guys with her mean face.  what struck me funniest was the irony of the whole picture.  i'm not gonna try to explain it.  i'm probably the only person in the whole world that would actually get it so i'll just spare you.  it made me laugh though and we all know there's beauty in laughter......

i wanted to share this picture too.  i just loved it.  look at the mean little eyes on this ladybug too!!!  i guess i've never really taken the time to look closely at a ladybugs face before.  i'm shocked.  anyway, this is ryan holding the ladybug he caught.  obviously she's scare bc she won't put out her legs but i loved the lighting in this picture and i loved that you could see all the detials in his hand.  just too cute. 

mighty is the oak.......

.........when i first bought my house it was nothing but a hayfield.  no trees.  just grass and a lot of those huge thorny weeds.  it took forever to get rid of the weeds and even longer for the trees that i planted to start growing.  my big joke was that by the time the trees were big enough to offer some shade, i'd be too old to enjoy it.  meaning older people get chilly faster bc their skin is so thin....or maybe it's their blood that's so thin. idk. and don't say a word megan!  anywayssss, i had great hopes for my trees.  i have two maples in the front and two in the back.  i absolutely love...love...love those maples trees that turn orange on the outside and yellow on the inside.  that's what i wanted.  well, apparently i bought the wrong kind.  they've grown big & strong but they are stubborn and resist changing colors each fall.  when they finally decide to change they turn red which is ok i guess but not what i wanted.   is it possible to be disappointed in a tree???  yeah, but i won't say it too loud.  wouldn't want to hurt their feelings.  i am bound and determine to find a tree like i want and i know just where i'm going to plant it when i find it.  until then my favorite tree in my yard is my oak tree.  i like it's shape....sorta triangular.  it tries reallllly hard to change pretty colors.   the one thing that i struggle with is it's branches.  they're are wild.  they go in every different direction.   and the branches' branches'  have branches.  understand??? lol.  i trimmed off some of the lower branches last year or the year before.   what a job.  but look what i found when i was taking pictures this morning.....a smiley face.  my oak tree was smiling at me.  and see you thought i was crazy when i said my trees had feelings.  silly you. but seriously, oak trees are know for their strength and that's why i chose it for my subject today.  there is infinite beauty in strength........ 





who turned the lights out........

..........it's 6:54 pm and it feels like it should be midnight already.  i despise day-light savings time.  i love fall but hate the fact that they have to ruin it by making it dark so early.  ughhhhhhh.  i guess there's no sense in whining.  it won't do any good.  i've decided to go back to my "beauty" pictures.  i miss my camera and as usual need something else to focus on.  i think the first day of winter is december 21st or 22nd.  that's also the shortest day of the year....a turning point.  i think i'll try to take a picture each day till then......

this is a mum that my church got me while i was in the hospital.  love the colors.  just B*e*A*u*T*i*F*u*L.......

ok, soooooooo.............

.......we won't be doing that again anytime soon.  atleast not in this lifetime.  if anybody ever offers to shove wires up your groin and into your heart with the intentions of burning your precious cardiac muscle while you are awake, all i can say is....RUN!  fast! and don't look back.  lol! apparently (according to the crna) "most" people don't ever feel anything during the procedure.  there are a "few" that will feel a little discomfort.  and then there are the "rare few" that will actually feel pain.  geeeee...guess what category i fell into.  OMG...it was horrible. i will NEVER voluntarily do that again.  i'd have a panic attack before they ever had the chance to start.  let me explain how it went.  apparently i have or had a "stubborn" arrhythmia. it's been with me for so long i guess it just didn't want to give up w/o a fight.   i was in the or for almost 3 hours.  first i want to say that everybody at high point regional hospital was wonderful!  the dr....he was ok.  he did manage to say hello to me before he started jammin needles in my groin....without warning.  it would've been nice to have a little heads up.  but i just smiled figuring it was lidocaine and the area would be numb soon.  opppsssss....don't forget the other side.  jam...jam..jam....for the sake of space i'll stop @ 3.  was more like 10 or 15 but who's counting~*smile*~ they had talked about goin thru my neck so i was just thrilled that they decided to stay @ my groin.  so then he makes the incision and starts ramming the wires up to my heart.  at first i thought well this won't be too bad.  i could feel them just a little.  then i could feel them more.  i don't think it took them much to get my heart "irritated" because all i could feel was this enormous pressure....sorta like the proverbial elephant sitting on your chest.  thought this must be what it was like to have a heart attack.  i just laid there and cried.  never said a word until the nurse anesthetist asked if i was ok.  with crocodile tears running down my face, all i could say was...it hurts.  one time it actually felt like they were jammin the wires up my neck on the right side.  oh and the best part was the "diaphragmatic spasms" which felt like somebody was literally inside me kicking the right side of my chest with a combat boot.  you could actually see my chest wall moving under my gown.  i did speak up between kicks when i had enough breath and asked if that was normal.  then to add insult to injury when they finally felt like they had all the wires where they wanted them they gave me some med that they titrated until my heart rate was over 180.  that was  pleasant but still not as bad as the spasms.  so after that they "burned" whatever area it was that they felt was causing the arrhythmia but i guess my little svt wasn't given up that easy.  they had to come back and manipulate the wires more.  which of course brought more tears.  when they finally thought they were in the "right" place they gave me some versed.  precious sweet versed.  but i never did fall asleep.  everytime i would start to doze they would move the wires or zap me or something and i would feel this excruitiating pain again.  finally after almost 3 hours they were done.  thank you jesus.  they were jokin with me....said now i could go birth some babies.  now that i think about it they probably meant i could go back to work but i thought they meant I could go have a baby.  i told them....HECK (might've used another word) i'd rather go birth a baby than do this again....matter of fact i don't think i'll ever be doin either again!!!!!  atleast after you have a baby you have something to show for all your suffering.  so now i guess i just wait & see.  i was a little nervous the first couple days bc i was feeling little skipped beats.  i thought....ohhhhh, if i've gone thru all this for nothing!!! but so far i haven't had anything today.  it's funny bc i've learned to bend a certain way with my svt.  i could get it started by bending over so i've learned to bend at the knees instead.  i still find my self being careful how i bend so that i don't get it started.  so anywayssss...i guess i just wait and pray.  will it have all been worth it if it works???  yeah, now that i'm on the other end of it.  could anyone ever talk me into doing it again??? ummmmm....NO!  not in a million years........

before i go i want to give a big KUDOS to our girls at RH.  apparently our customers must be a little too picky.  one of our lowest scoring areas on our survey is always response time to call lights.  well let me tell ya....we have to have hprh beat by a mile on response time.  that was my one and only complaint.  i think i hit the call light three times while i was there and the fastest time they answered was around 5 mins....the longest was over 10 mins.  and that was literally just to answer.  atleast we answer right away.  we may not get to the room in 10 seconds flat but we atleast answer on the second or third ring.  so i just want to tell you girls that you rock!  you ARE doing a wonderful job no matter what anybody tries to say!!!!

LATER ALLIGATORS........

.......well tomorrow's the big day.  i'd be lying if i said i wasn't a little nervous.  the whole concept of being awake for the entire procedure is what bothers me most i think.  i've tried to convince myself that i'd probably be ok if i didn't have it done.  i've tolerated it for 15 years now.  what's another 15 years right??? then i was blowing drying my hair the other day. i was bent over with my head upside down and set off a run of svt that made me have to sit down.  decided then that.....yup, i'm ready to be done with all this nonsense.  anywayssss....say a prayer for me.  pray that all goes well, that i behave myself (you know how nurses are, lol) and that i don't say anything i shouldn't while under the influence of versed.  and i'll pray that they're actually gonna give me some versed.  lol.   i'll see ya when i get home.....

P.R.E.T.T.Y........

.....wanted to share this video that megan showed me this weekend.  she said she thought it went with my last blog and i agree.  it has a HUGE message.   thanks megan......