.....a couple of weeks ago i had a dream that someone gave me a set of twins. newborn twins. a boy and a girl. i don't know who it was that gave them to me but all i could remember thinking was......do i really want more babies??? i felt guilty for keeping them bc i have a friend at work that's been trying to get pregnant for a while now without any luck. i thought....i should give her the babies or atleast one of them. anyways, i end up keeping them. in my dream i take them to this surprise birthday party for a friend. the party is outside @ this beautiful park. after a couple of hours at the party, i can't find the babies. i'm thinking to myself....how could i have lost the babies??? it's not like they could've crawled away from me or anything...they're newborns for pete's sake. so much in dreams doesn't make sense. i end up frantically searching for them and finally find them. guess where. ughhhh....face down in a pond!!! they're blue and their little gowns are floating around them. i'm thinking...oh i should've given them to christy!!! i grab them out of the water and then i enter the "twilight zone".....you know that place where you still have one foot in your dream and one foot in reality. i was conscious enough to tell myself this is only a dream. don't panic! i refused to let those babies be dead. so i forced myself to go back to an earlier part of the dream when they were still alive. this time i was gonna keep my eye on them. and then i woke up.....
.......fast forward to yesterday. i had a dream that i went to see a friend in new jersey. i had my kids, his kids and then two other little ones that i didn't know. the little girl was blonde & maybe one or one & a half....old enough to toddle around. the little boy was dark headed and maybe about three or four years old. i was alone with them and for some crazy reason i fell asleep. when i woke up the two little ones were gone. i asked the other kids if they had seen where they went but they hadn't. so, once again, the frantic search begins. i run out of the house and they're having a party across the street with a bunch of little kids. my two little missing ones are not at the party. i turn around and there's a pond in the distance and you guessed it, i see the little girl's body floating on top of the water....face down. i think GOD NO...not again and i start running. as i'm running i enter the "twilight zone" again. i start saying to myself over and over.....you don't have to do this...she doesn't have to be dead.....go back to the part of the dream when she was still alive....i grab her out of the water and then wake up.
this is a disturbing little dream pattern for me. why on earth would i be dreaming about babies drowning??? i've had alot of what i like to call "panicky" dreams in the past. these are always dreams that i get stuck in for hours. looking for an emergency phone #, looking for money to get back over the walt whitman bridge, looking for a way to reattach my sons feet to his body, crazy stupid dreams that i can't seem to get out of. i had a dream once that i lost ryan in a crowd at a flee market and i search for hours & hours & hours for him and finally found him face down in a pond. that was absolutely horrible. these dreams i'm not getting stuck in though. it's like when i get to the bad part i slip into some kind of awareness that it's only a dream & that i can change it. i still don't like the subject matter though and think i could really do without all the babies dying. not sure what it all means but i think i deal with that enough in reality.....
