mirror, mirror on the wall.......

..........who's the fairest of them all???  betcha thought i was gonna say me huh.  not hardly.  i think we expect mirrors to be a reflection of the truth.  you should be able to stand in front of a mirror and see reality.  the problem is that the reality reflected back is often distorted.  not only by the actual craftmanship of the mirror but by the person standing in front of it.  we all know mirrors come in all shapes and sizes and different degrees of quality.  absolutely LOVE those mirrors that make you look long and skinny.  lol.  but is it reality??? nope.  it's distorted.  and we've all seen those people out in public who we just know without a doubt that they couldn't have looked in the mirror before they left the house.  when in reality they did...and heck yeah they thought they looked good.  it's all about perception.  how WE see ourselves.  what do i see when i look in the mirror??? depends on the day.  some days i think i look ok.  most of the time it's the hypercritical self-conscious little girl that stares back at me....even at the age of 40.  honestly, when does she grow up and move out???  but so many times when i stand in front of the mirror the same words that have echoed in my ears for ages come rushing back....you're fat, you're ugly, you're not good enough,  not important enough.  now i get to add wrinkles and gray hair to the list of things staring back at me in the mirror.  lol.  but is that reality??? is it the truth???  maybe the gray hair and wrinkles part but not the other stuff.  the mirror lies. it lied to snow white's stepmom and it lies to us.  i'm more than the sum of my parts.  i'm more than love handles and thighs that are too big.  i'm more than crows feet and a pointy nose. and i'm definately more than gray hair & wrinkles.  the mirror doesn't "see" what's inside me. it never tells the whole story.  i think instead of lookin into the mirror for validation of self-worth a more accurate reflection of who we are is in our children.   and that includes the good, the bad & the ugly.  bc if we want to take credit for the good, we also have to acknowledge and take credit for the not-so-good.  before i go any further i want to say that i know there are people out there with children who have problems like autism and such.  who deal with behavioral issues day in and day out despite being the best parents they can be.  and i also realize that all children have different types of personalities.  but i do believe no matter what, they reflect the best and worst in us.  there are things my kids have done that have made me cringe and i thought gee i know where they got that from....me.  i see how my husband can be short-tempered and impatient with them sometimes and how they react to him in the same way.  and he wonders why.  they react totally different with me bc i interact with them differently.  we teach our kids the basics.  how to be kind or how not to be kind.  do you stomp the little bug on the side walk or do you help him back to the grass???  do you hold the door for somebody or let it slam in their face???  they pick up on everything we do and don't do.  they are a reflection of us.  and the proof is in the pudding.  when i doubt myself....when the voices in my head scream maybe you really are that bad....when i look in the mirror and think ughhhhhhhhh...i need to look instead to my children.  they are living proof of all that's good in me.  they are the mirror that reflects "who" i am.   when samantha looks at me and tells me i'm beautiful....that's what i am if only in her eyes.  when people see what a good person christian is, they're seeing a part of me.  and when the ladies gush over ryan bc he's held the door for them, i smile on the inside bc i know i taught him that.  do i take credit for all that's good in them???  no, most of it's comes by the grace of God.  but they spend the majority of their time with me & i feel like i have the biggest impact on how they turn out.  so therefore i also take credit for some of their short-comings....not that there's many.  lol.  but our children are like mirrors that we walk past day in and day out.  we get so busy and so used to them being there that we forget to truly "look" at them.   we forget that if we slow down & look, we can catch a glimpse of our own reflections and that the truth is ours to see if we really want it.  that is something we may never find in a distorted piece of glass hanging from a wall...... 

this is a note i got home from ryan's teachers last week.  i have always been my own worst critic....as i'm guessing most of us are.  for alot of reasons that go wayyyy back i have never had the best self-esteem either.  so between that and some other things goin on in my life i struggle with doubting myself.  when i saw this note it made my day.  i couldn't be more proud of the wonderful little person he has turned out to be.  it's also a reminder of everything right that i'm doing in my life and it couldn't have come at a better time.